What is it I want?
Having a vision is powerful tool. But it is just that, a tool. Having a vision is both calming and motivating. It should not be stressful nor full of any ‘should.’ Generally I am someone that usually has a great and grand vision which has always inspired me. Not having a vision can be stressful for some of us.
But at this stage of life as my daughter who is now 18 and her life is her own, I have found, this new chapter leaves me in a place of asking “What does Lorin want?” What is my new vision? I’m sure other (single) mothers and fathers can relate to this… The past 20 years, rather than asking myself what do I want, I’d notice what my daughter needs or wants… and It is like an old muscle that needs redeveloping to inquire within, what is it that I want? I’m finding the answers are not coming easily always.
So how to define what I want? First, I have found, it starts with the small things… What do I want for dinner? What do I want to do on Friday night? What do I want to do today? And stop and really notice what is I want - answer the question for myself. Dont just go through the motions without conscious thought. This is what I have been doing this year. Building that muscle. As a mother, I have found that I have become super flexible. A trait that I have found to serve me well. One, I have taken pride in. But Gumby is not always the best way to be. It serves me to a point to be Gumby. Until I loose my own wants and needs in the equation. This takes both practice and time to return if we’ve become in the habit of deferring to others for various reasons. As helpers in the world, often what we want is what others want and that makes us happy. I also pride myself on being a helper in the world. So these days I am recalibrating my wants and needs and desire to be flexible and help others as well.
The next step is to create a vision. Visions are are made up. They are our own North Star which just gives us a place to point. Visions most of the time, don’t get realized exactly as they are envisioned. They take us on a journey. Visions are the tool that inform our decisions today. That is the power of a vision.
How do we create a vision? A lot people put goals into their visions like: Awards they want to achieve, homes they want to buy, relationships they want to have, books to be written, people to meet, financial goals, etc. But what I find to be one of the most powerful visions is to take blank peice of paper and find a quite place to be with yourself. No disturbances. Make yourself 5 or 10 years older than you are today. And envision yourself some place. Your home (or the home you envision yourself living in) or the location you see yourself living. And typical day… but a day that you feel so fulfilled. You feel satisfied with life in all ways. And then ask yourself, from that place:
What do you SEE? (with your eyes, describe in great detail what you see.)
What do you SMELL? (flowers? Something cooking in the oven, the salty air? Pine trees? etc.)
What do you FEEL? (what kind of clothes are you wearing? What is the weather, what are you touching? What are you feeling emotionally? etc.)
What do you HEAR? (birds, the ocean waves, people in the back ground, crickets, the peace of nature or the hustle and bustle of humans near? etc.)
By doing this exercise, you will be telling yourself so much about your life, your choices and your past journey.
Once you have completed this exercise… refer to it now and then. Use it to make decisions. Does saying yes or no to something today bring you closer or farther away from your vision? This is the power of the vision, it informes TODAY.
