Nope, it only takes one.
We all know the saying that goes: “It takes two to tango’. Unfortunately, I have been through a high conflict divorce. I would have done anything to make it over simply and quickly. But the other party wanted nothing of that. And there was nothing I could have done accept give in to every unfair demand, be taken advantage of and roll over. That is not who I am. So, In a conflict I have learned the hard way that it only takes one that chooses to cause conflict for another. And they can cause tremendous chaos. There is nothing you can do to stop the chaos (actually there is but that is for another blog on lessons from my hardest life experiences).
Some people just want to cause utter chaos in another persons life or company or country as we are witnessing right now in Ukraine. I did not know this. I thought that everyone wanted what I did, peace, to work it out amicably. Wow, was that big lesson!
It is scary to think that one person can have such power over our lives.
I have experienced such people in:
my personal life.
my business/real-esate life.
And now we are witnessing on the world stage with Putin in Ukraine.
I have witnessed others who have experienced the exact same type of conflict. Clients. Friends. Famous people.
What do people that intentionally want to be ‘mean’ or cause chaos for others have in common?
They all (red flags):
feel like victims of a situation.
blame others for something they dont like about their life/business.
dont take responsibilty for some or all aspects of their life/business.
create an altered reality for themselves that justifies their behavior.
tend not to be excellent communicators.
they are not good at working out even the littlest of conflicts.
have actions that do not match their words.
Honestly at first, it was hard for me to find empathy and compassion for these people in my life but over time, it became more and more clear to me that they are truly stuck. Stuck in a story. Their own story that is not based in facts and true reality. This is how I have come to find compassion and empathy. And it will never change, so I learned. to stop trying. I learned it’s best to proactively be me and take care of myself and live fully rather than be reacting to what others do.
These red flags are critical to be aware of and notice early on in the relationship.
What can you do when you find yourself in such a difficult situation?
Make a list of your supporters and lean on them - rotate, so you do not burn any one person out.
Take very good care of yourself, because it takes lots of energy to get through the conflict.
Create your own peace.
Document. And Document more.
Give them as little energy as possible - focus on making your own life great - right now.
There will always be people in the world like this; know what to watch for, and bow out early if you can!
Conflict is drama, and how people deal with conflict shows you the kind of people they are -Stephen Moyer
