Good Bye Brock.

I did not know him well. I never knew if our paths would cross each morning on my morning walk. They did often.

What I did know is that we were polar opposites when it came to politics. He called Black Lives Matter, Cat Lives Matter. He called COVID, the Chinese Virus. He said that Biden was a vegetable. When he said such offensive things to me, I’d just say: Have a good day Brock and I’d move on… me and my dog, Bo. We’d get on quickly to where we left off before bumping into Brock. He was very proud of the good ol’ USA and extremely patriotic with an American flag proudly displayed outside his house and sometimes he’d put out the ‘Dont Tread on Me’ flag depending on the news of the week.

But why did I stop to speak with him in the first place? My dog LOVED him…. why? Brock always, every day, carried treats for all the dogs on his walk that he’d pass each day. He walked daily like I do - every day. And at the beginning, he would give the artificial red looking bacon dog treats and I realized that those treats were making my dog throw up each day a few hours later. I had to tell Brock that he could no longer give him those treats because they were making Bo sick. I brought treats to give to Brock, with me that day because I had planned on telling him about my dog getting sick from his treats. I offered him my treats to give bo. He grumbed and refused to take my treats accept one for that day, but asked what he could eat and said he’d be happy to buy those treats. All the dogs in the hood got upgraded healthy treats starting the next day. So every time Bo saw him on our walk he’d pull and pull and try to get to Brock as fast as he could. Most every time he and I would have a light and joy filled exchange. He’d always ask about my daughter and how she was. He always asked how I was and he meant it, he wanted to know really how I was. Sometimes I’d share more than other days depending on my mood. I’d ask about him and he would share a bit about his life. He always made me chuckle with his quick wit. He was a world traveler and put on miles walking each day. I knew to stay away from the topic of the daily news and politics.

One day he learned that my daughter loved horses… and he had in his possession, the jacket that the jockey who rode Secretariat in the movie —- in his closet and he wanted my daughter to have it. He brought it over carefully wrapped in plastic. So generous. So kind. So thoughtful.

I was intrigued by his generous heart. He had a cat and he was devastated when one day he witnessed a coyote jumping on to his back deck and grabbing his cat. He never saw it again. He was so sad about his loss. He did get another cat. I couldn’t help but notice that he had such a heart for dogs, cats and some people….. obviously not all people.

On 4th of July this year, he decided to end his life. So sudden. So unpredicted. So devastating. Our walking community was in shock. As we saw one other, that week we would pass each other and not have words and just shake our heads. We didn’t know so much. We thought we knew him. We thought he shared is pain. My daughter had the pleasure of seeing him that morning. She was so impacted by the fact that someone can seem ‘so good’ one minute and choose to take their own life, just hours later.

I’m grateful to have known him. Grateful to have known his generous spirit. I will never understand how he had such a heart for some things and some people and others so able to call them names, discard their presence and their value. But what I do know is that I have never felt his pain. I can only imagine in part that his perspective on how little others had value was a reflection of how he must have felt himself.

This tells me that for when we judge others - in truth, we are judging ourselves.

I am choosing to have his life, remind me to judge others less. Thank for that reminder, my friend.

Good Bye Brock, we will miss you on our morning walks. And the dogs will miss you too.