Love: Part 1: Mine the Gold

My Kintsugi from the Starfish Retreat 2023 (explained below)

A song that always makes my heart happy is the song For Good, from Wicked. Part of the lyrics are:

"Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good…."

Since I graduated college, I have been in 5 serious relationships. Each guy, I can say, changed me for the good. I learned lessons from each one: how to love, how not to love, how to laugh, how to live or not to live. I learned skills that I still enjoy today. I could go on and on. But I believe that as the For Good lyrics go:

“That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are lead

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them....”

I believe this about lovers and about friends. So if you are in a relationship currently, what is it you need to learn now? How is it you can grow? And grow some more? Never forget, you are a team - in life. Great teams grow together.

And if you are not in a significant relationship currently, do a bit of an assessment, what have your significant relationships taught you? What story are you telling yourself? Is that story empowering? Or is it a story that feels more victim-like, because it matters! Learning the lessons help us grow, stretch and become better versions of ourselves. Staying a victim of past relationships bring more of the same. Because we have to learn the lessons. If you dont have a coach, journalling this exercise can be super helpful. (If you are not a journaling kind of person, we are here to help! Let’s talk!).

In the Starfish Retreat 2023, we all did Kintsugi. I had never done Kintsugi before. Here’s bit about what it is. First, many pieces of beautiful pottery are laid out on a table. You ask yourself, “Which one is calling me to choose it?” You set an intention for the project (any intention). Then, you hold that piece as though it represents you. Then you put it in a towel and hit it with a hammer - that’s right, SMASH IT!. Like life, it breaks us! Then you use glue and put it back together. And you paint the cracks gold. Because that is what life does, it breaks us. But then, we dig deep we learn and grow from difficult experience, the experienes make us who are today, a stronger, more wise, more beautiful version of ourselves, if we allow it. If we take the time and look inward to find the lessons. If we look for the empowering story from the challenge, it is always there, but so many times we dont do the work to find the lessons.

For my Kintsugi project, I set my intention around my significant relationship - as I am currently single. I was looking for a deeper insight. I am happy and content and wanting some insight for myself in this aspect of my life. Because each relationship I beleved was ‘the one’… but then life happened and it was not. I’ve always been great at getting the lessons for myself. Reflecting on what I learned from each relationship when it ended.

What happened next in Kintsugi? As you can see my beautiful bowl above, after breaking, it broke into 5 main pieces (amazing!) and when I put them back together, the bottom piece (6th piece would not fit in - after it was all glued together! At first I was bummed but but miraculously I noticed that a heart was formed in the bottom (see above)! I was dumbfounded at the magic that happened right in front of me! (I love this piece!). It reminds me that each relationship helped my heart be shaped just perfectly and to always keep my heart open - to life and love.

I also believe that relationships challenge us to be our best selves and to learn how to be in partnership with our person. And sometimes that means putting ourselves first and others times, that means putting the relationship first or our partner first. I do believe that if we are single right now, it is our responsibility to know ourselves well enough by getting the lessons from past relationships so that we can attract our next, greatest love.

This month (and always), be love. Be kind. Be curious. Do this for others but most important, do this for yourself. You become your best self with an open heart filled with love and kindness. ❤️ Happy Valentines Day. ❤️

Check out Part 2 on Love and relationships.